365 days

I guess I'll just stay home tonight. Since I don't have any particular plan for new year's eve. Aku tidak begitu terdesak untuk kelihatan cool di celah-celah keramaian hanya semata-mata untuk menghitung detik tibanya tahun baru. Bagi aku, ianya tak ubah seperti ritual moden yang sungguh bangang. Dalam erti kata sebenar.

Untuk menyimpulkan rentetan tahun ini dalam sebuah tulisan adalah terlalu membosankan. Menelusuri semula perjalanan diri, aku hanya perlu menyelak kembali segala catatan, nota, anekdot yang telah aku tulis sepanjang tahun ini.

I usually don't do this but anyway, Happy New Year to those who may concern \m/

Himpunan kata (2)

I might know something

But chose to remain silent

Guess what, I'm blissful.

Dilema (5)

Pernah sekali, salah seorang kawan aku teks, "Semalam aku nampak kau dekat blablabla. Kau buat apa dekat sana?" Soalan sebegitu selalunya aku balas semula dengan soalan, "Really? How come I never saw you?"

Aku sering berhadapan dengan situasi janggal sebegini. Bukan sombong atau apa tetapi aku mempunyai kelemahan untuk mengecam wajah seseorang dari jauh. Aku tidak pasti kenapa, but they're literally, invisible to me. And don't even bother asking me to find you in let's say, crowded places because I'll never be able find you. I'm like a lost puppy, searching for something. A cute little puppy, for sure.

Officemate (6)

I looked at her and I smiled.

She noticed and said, "What?"

"Nothing," I replied, with a little laugh.

"Oh boy, I know where this is going,"

My heart whispered to me.

Officemate (5)

"Sakit gila waktu dia cucuk guna jarum besar," aku takutkan Anies dengan niat untuk bergurau. It was her first time. I mean, her first attempt ever donating blood. Sewaktu di kolej, aku pertama kali menderma darah bersama-sama Kiki dan Meon. Dalam fikiran masing-masing ketika itu, "Alaa, derma darah je pun. Takde matinya." Bukan didorong oleh ganjaran atau pahala, niat kami adalah untuk mencuba sesuatu yang baru. Tak tak, niat utama kami adalah untuk ponteng kelas. Menderma darah adalah alasan mudah untuk tidak hadir ke kelas petang ha ha.

Tetapi masih, melihat sendiri darah mengalir deras keluar adalah suatu perasaan yang... well, to be honest, I feel nothing. Nak kata bangga, tak juga. Nak kata menyumbangkan sesuatu kepada masyarakat, kelakar pula. Nak kata sakit, ada la sikit.

"Macam mana kalau dia tersalah cucuk?" aku tak henti-henti mengusiknya. Selepas selesai menderma darah, aku kembali semula ke meja untuk menyambung kerja yang tertangguh. Belum sempat apa pun, titis-titis peluh sekelip mata menyimbah turun membasahi dahi dan kepala aku mulai terasa pening. How funny when turned out to be I'm the one who almost fainted.

Mujur aku segera berjumpa jururawat bertugas sebelum diarahkan untuk berbaring semula selama hampir setengah jam. Setelah mengambil contoh darah, katanya kadar-gula-apa-entah aku berada pada tahap yang rendah. Aku hanya mengangguk kerana kurang pasti apa kaitannya. How am I supposed to know that?

"Ha ha," Anies ketawa tatkala aku kembali semula ke meja. Spontan, aku jelirkan lidah kepadanya. Duh, how embarrassing.

Bazinga!

I have been watching The Big Bang Theory religiously, meminjam kata-kata Saidatul Madiha tempoh hari. Selepas jalan cerita siri kegemaran How I Met Your Mother menjadi semakin draggy dan sejujurnya membosankan (tetapi aku masih sukakan karakter Barney Stinson), aku beralih pula menonton siri yang menyaksikan kewujudan karakter Dr. Sheldon Cooper tidak pernah gagal membuatkan aku ketawa.

He's funny as hell. He's funny as hell. He's funny as hell.

Dilema (4)

Nadzirah called me yesterday and she, out of nowhere, asked for my Tumblr account password. Aku yang ketika itu masih terpinga-pinga untuk mencerna permintaannya, hanya mampu membalas, "What?"

She hasn't called me for quite some time and all of a sudden, "I want your password." And I was like... what the hell is going on?

"Nak buat apa?" aku tanya semula walaupun masih kebingungan ketika itu. She said she was going to use it for her presentation. On what purpose or what kind of presentation, I have no idea since I didn't have the chance to ask her. Long story short, I gave her my Tumblr username and password.

Setelah memberi kata laluan kepadanya, aku ternyata diganggu oleh percanggahan kognitif yang perlahan-lahan datang mencemari pertimbangan rasional aku. Untuk selesakan hati yang terkesan bercelaru dengan suasana pasca-keputusan yang dibuat, aku berterusan memujuk diri dengan alasan yang err...

Untuk rekod, aku hanya gunakan laman Tumblr semata-mata untuk mengumpul koleksi gambar rawak, separa lucah, esentrik dan mendepani semua itu, aku juga mencatit anekdot ringkas ala Twitter untuk rujukan peribadi pada masa akan datang. Malah jika diukur, interaksi sosial aku di laman tersebut adalah pada kadar minimal. I followed random people, liked random post and bla bla bla.

Later I texted her, "Just pretend that our earlier conversation never happened. I'm too lazy to change the password."

No big deal, I guess.

Nota separa khayal (3)

Selaku manusia yang terdorong untuk leka berkhayal tanpa henti, aku berhadapan masalah untuk menumpukan perhatian. Kadangkala aku hanyut ketika sedang berbual, membaca waima menulis sekalipun.

Dua tiga minggu yang lepas, aku ditugaskan untuk menjaga ruang pameran syarikat untuk mempromosi skim pekerjaan apa-entah-aku-sudah-lupa. Jadi oleh kerana bertugas mengikut giliran, aku berpeluang untuk duduk di bawah satu khemah bersama beberapa pekerja yang lebih berpengalaman. Dalam tempoh yang singkat itu, aku sempat juga berkenalan dan berborak kosong dengan mereka. They were so nice to me. Cool people, I must say. Though I even witnessed with my very own eyes a few conflict that arose among themselves and I couldn't help myself but laugh. Nevertheless, it was a good exposure and experience for me.

Tempoh hari, salah seorang pekerja yang turut bersama aku sewaktu pameran tersebut menegur aku di pejabat. Dan sedikit mengejutkan kerana dia masih mampu mengingati nama aku. Sejujurnya aku sudah pun lupa namanya. Demi Tuhan, janggal seribu kali janggal.

The other I (8)

The problem with me is that I care too much. Sometimes I feel like I know something about other people more than I should. For instance, I know where you live, who's your friend and stuff. It's not like I'm dying to find out everything about you but I just happen to know. Frankly speaking, I seriously don't give a fuck. At all.

I have been blessed with a very supportive family, a near-flawless circle of friend and vast numbers of strangers to cheer me up through ups and downs. Yes I need strangers in my life. They somehow unconsciously reflect myself through what we called as social mirror. Cara aku berinteraksi dalam kehidupan seharian juga dipengaruhi oleh persekitaran yang sering mengingatkan aku bahawa hidup ini adalah sebuah taman permainan maha luas untuk diteroka. Well, I guess that explains my erratic behaviour.

"So, that settles it. You don't have to care too much about other people. They are pathetic. They are holding you back," my Ego whispered. I smiled and said, "No they aren't. It proves that I'm just a normal being after all."

Wordless what? (4)

Recollection (2)

"Putih emas," kawan Ayah seorang pakcik berbangsa Cina berusia lingkungan separuh abad memanggil aku setiap kali kami berjumpa. Satu perkara yang pasti, dia tidak pernah tahu nama sebenar aku. Didorong rasa ingin tahu yang tebal, aku langsung bertanya kepadanya lama dahulu, "Putih emas?"

"Ya la. Bila you senyum nampak gigi. Putih emas," dia sambut. Maka tahulah aku mengapa dia memanggil aku dengan nama sedemikian selama ini. Dan aku yakin dia maksudkan adalah emas putih. O dear, I know I have such a sweet smile ;-)

Officemate (4)

I could go on a day without saying a word to them. I'm not being antisocial or what, but sometimes I just don't feel like talking. Bak kata Meon satu ketika dahulu, "Avoid making eye contact whenever possible." They're nice and friendly but you know, there's a barrier I couldn't break through. Yes, I built that fucking wall.

I'm having a good time with my current on job training. Most of the time I sit calmly at my table, either doing assigned tasks or watch movies or playing games. Jika terlalu tepu dengan suasana pejabat yang maha bosan, aku abaikan tugasan yang perlu disiapkan di atas meja dan keluar menghilangkan diri. O God, I'm a natural born procrastinator. Ha ha!

Reminiscent (2)

I used to go window shopping with my colleagues. It was somewhere around, well, I can't hardly remember the exact day. Jadi aku bersama Syamira, Fatin dan beberapa yang lain tercampak ke sebuah tempat yang aku kurang gemar untuk kunjungi. Shopping mall, it is.

Funny when it took me less than an hour to explore the whole shopping mall. And not surprisingly, they took more than an hour on the same floor. Girls, duh.

Recollection

I think I saw my pengarah kolej somewhere around my hometown a few days ago. Berkaca mata, berkepala botak tengah dan paling ketara memakai baju tertera logo kolej. And yes, I'm pretty sure it was him.

He reminds me of... nothing. Except his long, boring and monotonous speeches. Oh, did I mention boring?

The other I (7)

"You have to buy this book," dia merujuk kepada buku 1Q84 karya Murakami yang tersusun di atas rak. "It's fucking awesome, man."

"Are you crazy? Buku ni mahal la. Plus, I don't have much money left in my pocket," aku balas sambil membelek buku tersebut. "But it's worth buying. Almost a thousand pages waiting to be read. We are going to have a real good time," dia masih berkeras dengan ideanya. "Thou... thousand what? It will take forever to finish this book. Last time I checked, we still stuck on the second chapter of Norwegian Wood and we haven't started reading Tell-All," aku sambut kemudian meletakkan semula buku tersebut di atas rak.

"Okay," dia mengalah. "But trust me, you will end up buying it." Aku pandang wajahnya dan ketawa, "How come you're so sure?"

"Well, we'll see," dia tersengih, mengakhiri perbualan.

Dilema (3)

Sometimes I forgot that Aiman is no longer a little kid  he used to be. He's growing up so fast, sehingga aku terlupa aku juga pernah melalui fasa peralihan menuju kematangan satu ketika dahulu. Fasa yang bertanggungjawab mendukung falsafah diri aku hari ini. 

My mental picture keep describing him as a vulnerable and naive little one. Maybe I'm the one who should grow up.

Kehilangan

My cousin just died in car accident. Tatkala menerima berita tersebut, I don't know how to react. Should I cry? Should I mourn over his death? I should... what? Aku pujuk hati supaya berlaku rasional dan hadiahkan bacaan Al-Fatihah kepada arwah. Sekurang-kurangnya itu yang mampu aku lakukan. May God bless his soul.

Hidup dan mati adalah kerja mudah bagi Tuhan. It's been a while since the last time I had lost someone close to me. Kali terakhir adalah kematian Ibu sepuluh tahun lepas.

I'm still missing her. Until now.

The other I (6)

"Why would you want to call her? You fucking tell me," he muttered angrily. "I don't know. I just want to talk to her," I told him. "Things aren't working out anymore between the two of you. Please don't make yourself look like an idiot," he said.

O God, what is happening to me?

Officemate (3)

Early this morning I had breakfast with my boss in her office. Anies was there too. She's my officemate, just in case you're curious. Kami bertiga makan nasi lemak bertemankan hembusan penghawa dingin yang ternyata sungguh.... dingin. Untuk rekod, aku jarang mengambil sarapan pagi. Atas alasan mudah, kurang berselera untuk menjamah apa-apa dan perut aku juga belum bersedia untuk menerima sebarang makanan. In fact, a glass of plain water is more than enough for me.

"Pedasnya sambal nasi lemak ni," aku merungut sewaktu suapan kali kedua. Mereka berdua ketawa kecil. "Mana ada pedas. Orang makan biasa je," Anies sambut. Sehingga kini aku masih tidak faham mengapa dia bahasakan dirinya sebagai 'orang'. Well it's kind of weird. And funny, you know.

"Pedas la," aku sanggah. Sejurus selepas itu, aku buang lebihan nasi yang tidak mampu dihabiskan ke dalam tong sampah. "Nasib baik percuma," aku bisik dalam hati.

Wordless what? (3)

Dilema (2)

Aku belajar satu perkara. Setelah selesai makan tengahari bersama rakan sepejabat, jangan bertanya soalan, "Lepas ni kau nak pergi mana?" I've asked that question once and only once. Believe me, don't ask. Just don't.

Why? Don't even ask why.

Dilema

"Bulatnya muka kau sekarang," Hilmi tegur perubahan pada wajahku ketika kami berjumpa di hadapan sebuah restoran Mamak. Well, I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or what. So, I stood there idly without saying a word. Not a fucking word, I tell you.

Officemate (2)

I sat next to her and,

stole a glance at her face.

She was so beautiful.

A smile that never fades.

I must be dreaming.

The other I (5)

I looked at him and I broke into tears. "I feel hopeless, alone, out of place. Help me, will you?" He hugged me and said, "Oh boy. Don't worry, you'll always have me."

Officemate

I don't know how to keep conversation going between me and my officemates. Oh wait, do we actually had a conversation? No we didn't.

Wordless what? (2)

Reminiscent

Maybe it's true. You don't have to write or tell everything to other people.

Dengan tujuan berlaku rasional kepada diri sendiri, aku fikir, berbuat demikian adalah suatu tindakan yang maha jujur. Mengambil contoh mudah, sehingga kini aku belum mampu untuk menulis apa-apa tentang hari-hari terakhir aku selaku pelajar di Seri Iskandar. Aku berusaha untuk mencerna, cuba menghadam semahu-mahunya setiap bibit kenangan sebelum mengambil keputusan untuk mengabdikan segalanya di dalam kerangka tulisan.

Kadangkala lintasan memori indah bersama rakan serumah yang jelas bermain di dalam kepala membuatkan aku tidak tahu dari mana aku patut bermula untuk menulis. Perasaan kurang selesa untuk berkongsi sesuatu yang bersifat peribadi serta susunan memori yang masih bersimpang siur sama sekali tidak membantu. At a certain point in your life, come a time when you look back on those years and realize you have had such a wonderful memories. All of a sudden you feel blessed and grateful.

One thing for sure, I knew I had to write something about our last day in Seri Iskandar. There's just no sense of urgency right now. I'm patiently waiting for that kind of feeling to show up.

Paradise

I always wanted to be you know, a cool, funny and good father for my future kid(s). But I keep picturing my future self as an overprotective one. No, I'm not going to waste my youth and get married at such a young age. Aku berkahwin pada usia muda? Now that's funny my dear. Anyway, come to think about it, being a father is no easy task as it requires a lot of effort and responsibilities.

Melihat di mana aku berada hari ini dengan segala keperluan, didikan serta kasih sayang maha mencukupi, aku percaya Ayah telah membesarkan aku dengan sempurna. Terima kasih untuk segalanya.

Nota separa khayal (2)

Aku jenguk keluar melihat cuaca. Hujan semakin reda dan bunyi titis hujan jatuh ke bumi sudah tidak lagi kedengaran. Dingin malam yang menghembus masuk melalui tingkap yang sedikit terbuka menerbitkan perasaan tenang yang menyelubungi segenap ruang bilik. Aku dongak melihat jam yang terpaku di dinding. Jarum menunjukkan pukul 1 pagi.

Aku segera ke dapur. Menyelongkar laci-laci dengan harapan dapat mencari sesuatu untuk disuap ke dalam mulut. Aku mengeluh hampa selepas tidak bertemu apa-apa. Jadi tanpa berlengah, aku sarung pakaian, capai kunci dan meredah kedinginan pasca-hujan untuk ke kedai serbaneka 24 jam berdekatan. Selesai urusan pembayaran, aku pulang ke rumah dengan kadar tergesa-gesa kerana hujan renyai perlahan-lahan turun semula membasahi. Jadi aku terpaksa memecut laju sewaktu perjalanan pulang.

Sampai sahaja di rumah, aku masih bingung memikirkan mengapa aku beli sebotol air minuman berkarbonat tetapi langsung tidak membeli sebarang makanan. Therefore I stared at the bottle forever, questioning its existence.

I am too easily distracted, no?

In the middle of nowhere

I think I'm doing just fine right now. I'm single, not emotionally attached to any love or platonic relationship and most importantly not chasing any girl at this very moment. Yeah right, chasing a girl. Don't worry, we'll get to that later.

Sometimes I asked myself, why my previous relationship didn't work out very well. Ianya bermula dengan penuh indah, I poured every bit of myself into relationship. I'm being sweet and all but at the end, I've lost interest. What went wrong? Is it merely because of me or things are just meant to head to a dead end. I'm not so sure. Jadi aku terjun kepada kesimpulan yang lebih mudah, ini mungkin adalah kerja Tuhan.

Berurusan dengan perasaan manusia yang aku cintai adalah seni agung. Mendepani segala kemungkinan dan kebarangkalian dengan secebis keyakinan yang dikutip sedikit demi sedikit dalam turun naik sebuah hubungan. Aku tertarik untuk sentiasa berhadapan dengan konflik. Bersemuka dengan kemelut yang, tanpa sedar,  bakal mencorakkan hala tuju akan datang.

I haven't contacted Loveable for a month now. Aku sudah lupa apa perbualan terakhir kami. Apa pesanan teks terakhir yang aku hantar kepadanya. Dan aku sudah lupa apa yang membuatkan aku tersenyum tatkala menyebut namanya satu ketika dahulu. I've been chasing her since the first time I met her until unfortunately she ended up being with someone else. I definitely had fun chasing her around with lovely words, sweet smiles and whatnot. I didn't confess my feeling toward her because I thought it's still too early to do so. But I was wrong. Totally wrong. It was my biggest mistake in this whole relationship thingy.

Of course I was heartbroken when I found out I'll be losing her forever.  It took me a while to comfort myself and figure out what went wrong. Sejujurnya, aku tidak pernah salahkan dia atau sesiapa. Aku lebih senang menyalahkan diri sendiri. Ianya silap aku kerana terpengaruh dengan frasa playing it slow. Kekesalan utama aku adalah hubungan dengan Loveable yang tergantung, tidak lengkap, berhenti separuh jalan. Seumpama jalan cerita dengan sebuah penamat yang samar dan meragukan. Aku ingin habiskan apa yang telah aku mulakan dengan berterus-terang kepadanya namun sehingga kini aku tidak ketemu apa signifikan-nya jika aku berbuat demikian.

Seperti aku katakan tadi, ini mungkin adalah kerja Tuhan. Sama ada sekadar menguji atau untuk memberi aku setitis rasa kekalutan emosi.

Wordless what?

The other I (4)

"Write something. Or anything," dia cuba pujuk aku. "You don't have to try. You know the answer." aku balas. "Grammar berterabur pun takpe. Asalkan ayat yang ditulis tak kedengaran janggal dan kekok untuk disebut, okay la," dia masih tidak mahu mengalah. Aku masih lagi berbaring di atas katil merenung bilah kipas yang berputar. Sambil ditemani lagu Gap oleh The Kooks. Bunyian sekitar minit 3:10 sehingga 3:30 sedikit sebanyak mengingatkan aku kepada sebuah lagu Radiohead dari album OK Computer. 

"That's what I've been telling you. You should stop being such a grammar freako," aku balas. "But no, I still don't want to write anything."

"Oh come on. Please?"

"Damn it. You know I can't resist."

Nota separa khayal

It's two in the morning and I can't put my eyes to sleep. Tomorrow's going to be a big day for me. First day of my industrial training period. Not that I'm looking forward to it. I have given no choice but to face it. I'm nervous and maybe a little bit scared. I'm asking myself, what could possibly go wrong? But Murphy's law epigram whispering in my head that anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

I hate new environment. I hate meeting new people. I hate making new friends. I hate doing this all by myself. I know I sound like a total pussy whining and complaining about every single thing. I'm having conflict within myself. I have unresolved issues with myself and let the fear take the wheel and steer. I need somebody to tell me I'll be fine. Tell me everything going to go my way.

I still need a little help and comforting advice from family and friends. I can stand on my very own feet but I'm not sure for how long. And if I fall down, I just want to know that I will always have someone to grab my hand and pull me up from the eternal abyss.

I'm not cool enough. I could go on pretending but there's just no point of doing that. Maybe I should go to sleep.

Chaos

I’m thinking of getting a haircut today. Tetapi bila melihat cermin sewaktu berada di bilik mandi pagi tadi, aku batalkan niat tersebut. “My hair looks fine. Why should I cut it off?” aku monolog sendirian.

Other than that, I need to withdraw some cash from my account. Juga terpaksa mengisi borang-borang yang aku sendiri tidak pasti apa fungsinya untuk latihan industri yang bakal bermula esok. Damn, I hate this.

The other I (3)

Kami duduk di kerusi luar rumah bertemankan segelas air dan langit biru yang cerah. Tidak banyak yang dibualkan. Mulut seperti dikunci oleh angin yang bernafas lembut. Mata pula tanpa henti menatap pepohon yang terpasak liar di atas bumi. Dedaun yang kadangkala gugur memberi pemandangan yang sungguh bermakna. Berkhayal bersama gumpalan emosi yang tidak nyata sambil sesekali disuntik mimpi yang melintas tanpa bicara.

"Ahh, I just want to sit here and do nothing. Melihat sekeliling untuk tenangkan hati," dia kata. "Yeah, me too," aku balas lantas mencapai gelas air di atas meja untuk tegukan kedua. "Did you ever dream of being a published writer, so you can make money out of it?" soalan yang terpacul dari mulutnya secara tiba-tiba.

Aku toleh memandang mukanya, dengan riak muka sedikit terkejut. "I would love to but it's not a priority. You know I don't write for money. I just... love to write."

"I know that, but how about a little recognition from other people?" dia bertanya lagi.

"I don't need recognition from other people," aku balas sambil menggeleng kepala. "I know myself better than anyone else."

"There are several people that I have promised to myself that I will give them a piece of my writing," aku beritahu. "I don't know when but I will," aku bisik kepada diri sendiri.

The other I (2)

"I am not your second self. Technically speaking, we are two different people," he said furiously. "Oh really?" I replied sarcastically. "If that so, tell me your name. For goodness' sake, you don't even have a name!"

"Of course I have a name," he's been very persistent. "No, wait. I really don't have a name, didn't I?" he said when he realized I was right. "Screw it. I don't need name or signature or label to prove my existence," he's still trying to convince me. "And the funny thing is, I'm exist because of you," he said.

"What if I don't need you anymore?" I asked. He looked at me very gravely and laughed lightly. "Believe me. You didn't want that to happen."

He was right. I need him. In fact, he's the only one who understand me very well. He's been here with me for a long time already.

"Don't worry. I'll find you a name." I said, in a modest tone.

Summary

Hurm, I don't know how to start this. Let's just say, this has been a wonderful week for me. Full of joy and excitement. A week that I will never forget for the rest of my life. Oh, thank God for everything.

Okay, I was lying. Contrariwise, I'm up to nothing for the the whole bloody week. I mean, sitting down in front of the computer for almost 24 hours a day is not something I'm really proud of. Anyway, I'm supposed to call my industrial training supervisor right after I sent some sort of confirmation letter to him and yes, I did. In fact I called him for two consecutive days and apparently he didn't even bother to pick up the damn phone. For heaven's sake, let's just not talk about it anymore.

Aku juga terpaksa mengharungi rutin harian yang membosankan. Malah aku tidak pasti samada ianya rutin dalam erti kata sebenar atau lebih kepada sesuatu yang aku lakukan di bawah pengaruh minda separa sedar. Dan kurangnya interaksi sosial dengan manusia lain menyebabkan aku tidak mempunyai begitu banyak perkara untuk ditulis kebelakangan ini. Occasionally I do hangout with some of my friends. Sitting down at our favourite Mamak, having so-called manly talk and laughing our asses off at lame jokes. You know, just like the good old days. But that's not enough.

I don't know what happened to me lately but never mind. I know I'll be just fine.

Himpunan Kata

Kanak-kanak berlari

   lukisan tergantung

          selimut basah

Kedinginan neraka

  kipas yang rosak

   botol arak pecah

The other I

"Fuck all this shit. You and me, we going to go against all odds," my Ego said. I gave him a cynical laugh. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Nothing," I responded. "I have failed. I'm in despair. I mean, look at me now. I'm a total failure."

"Oh come on. I'm here with you," he grabbed my shoulder. "Forget about it and let's do something crazy."

"What do you mean by doing something crazy?" I asked. "Oh boy. You know what I mean," he replied. I looked at him and said, "You know what, I really like you."

He smiled. "You always does."