Pre-April

Rasa macam dah lama tak menulis apa-apa cerita yang bernilai tentang hidup, keluarga, kawan dan lain-lain hal. Sudah tentu, tidak menulis tidak bermakna tiada apa-apa langsung yang terjadi. I'm a good storyteller. There, I said it. Spend a day with me, and I'll freakin' write everything about you instantaneously.

It's been a long time since I last write a good story of my life. Things did happened, for sure. Good things. And the bad things. But do I feel like writing it down here? Nah, not really. Everything's so blurry these days. Rokok pun boleh lupa berapa hari lepas aku beli, apatah lagi untuk ingat perkara yang berlaku seminggu yang lalu. Atau sebulan yang lalu. Atau setahun yang lalu.

Bak kata Zamani Slam, "biarkan ia pergiiiiii, jangan dikesalkannnnn, takkan kembaaaaliiiiii, cinta yang telahhh perrrgiiiiiiiii...."

Different context, but you get the gist.

I've let go of everything. To never keep any memories. To just live life as it is. To just go with the flow. To be a dead fish. Because I remember things so well. I could easily recall everything, in the exact same order, without missing anything. Yes, because I'm anal like that.

It's a burden. Which I refused to bear any longer. What's the freakin' point? As long as I'm happy, that'll do for now. No more headache. No more heartache.

And it's a step to get better, I guess.

Rabu 29 Mac 2017

What's good, June? (2)

1. Rasa macam nak bagi duit raya sorang lima puluh ringgit untuk sepupu/anak-anak buah tahun ini. You know, just to prove a point. 

2. Dan juga sebagai tanda protes terhadap mak/pak sedara yang selalu dok ulang soalan, "Hang tak terai apply kerja gomen ka?"

3. I'm an asshole. Not proud, but there I said it. Never once I go around pretending like I hold the moral high ground or something. I'm responsible for my behavior, not how you perceive it. I care the fuck not what you think of me. Go take a fucking hike.

4. Go play the victim card someplace else, motherfuckers.

5. Akhirnya aku dah dengar lagu Despacito. I don't get all the fuss about this shitty generic latino song. Sounds pretty much like Bailando or El Perdón.

6. Tak faham orang yang bangga dia makan kurma dulu pastu solat pastu baru proceed with heavy meals. Great, now, you want a medal or something?

7. One can only hope. And hope's a bitch.

8. Setiap kali dengar lagu Divina Commedia (link), rasa macam tengah dengar lagu MGMT. It gives off a similar vibe.

9. I think Hyuna has the closest resemblance to G-Dragon. A female version of him, in a way. They both have unique contradictory personality on and off stage.

10. Bangun pagi dengan hati berat dan seret kaki pergi kerja, berbekalkan falsafah, "that's the spirit!"

11. My recent thoughts on Maryam: she needs a good dick in her life.

12. Perhaps, Maryam is the real definition and genuine example of social pariah.

13. And perhaps, Maryam is my next favorite thing that provides amusement right after Jayzuan.

14. ACT III, M.O.T.T.E (link) is coming to Kuala Lumpur on 16th September 2017.

15. Dear Lord, the temptation is real.

Money trees is the perfect place for shade, and that's just how I feel.

"Aku dah bosan la makan gaji. Hari-hari buat benda sama." A friend told me the other night. Sebuah perbualan melepasi lewat malam di hadapan pintu kedai snooker. I still don't understand how we still have the ability to converse anytime, anywhere. Tiga jam kami berdiri, kemudian duduk mencangkung, kemudian berdiri semula, kemudian... sambil berbual tentang entah apa-apa entah.

I didn't say anything at first, as I feel I couldn't relate more to that. Unless you're a horny porn star, aku fikir akan tiba satu tahap, sesiapa sahaja ada kecenderungan untuk terdetik rasa bosan dengan apa-apa pekerjaan sekalipun. It's inevitable, I guess. Untuk merasa terbeban dengan rutin-rutin banal yang seakan tiada penghujung. It gets you, sooner or later. Or in my case, sooner AND later.

Kawan aku cerita panjang lebar, makan gaji begitulah cara hidupnya. Kerja, kerja, kerja, tunggu hujung bulan gaji masuk, bayar itu ini, simpan sana sini, dan ulang kitaran sama sehinggalah...

"You're lucky," aku balas. To be honest, I don't see what all the fuss was about. Melainkan kau seorang revolusioner yang sanggup menongkah arus atau kontrarian tegar yang detached dengan realiti, aku fikir ini satu sistem yang kebanyakan orang akan, bakal, telah lalui untuk sekian lama. There's no sense grinding over petty things.

Aku beritahu aku juga lalui perkara yang sama. Untuk allocate sekian sekian amaun yang aku fikir cukup untuk serba-serbi dalam tempoh sebulan, walaupun aku boleh bolot semua sekali masuk dalam poket sendiri. Point is, to live within one's means.

"Fuck this shit, I'm out." Oh how I wish I had the guts to pull the trigger. It all stems back from trying to be filthy rich at such young age. To try to climb the ladder as quickly as possible to reach the top. It's not an easy feat to say the least. Bak orang seorang manusia cerdas, it's only hard if you want to build it into a massive success.

It's true. To sustain something you build is far more difficult. Kalau aku punyai pilihan untuk buang semua beban kewangan yang mencecah hampir 30-40k setahun, aku kira kepala aku tidak akan sesakit ini. Tak banyak mana sebenarnya, kalau nak dibandingkan dengan manusia lain. But I'm not interested in competing. The fuck I care with other people's issues in life.

Alas, what can one do? Apa boleh buat. Ini jalan hidup yang aku pilih. Tidak dapat tidak, terpaksa redah walaupun payah. Meskipun merungut dan menyalahkan takdir adalah satu pilihan yang lebih mudah demi menyelesakan hati.

"I'm tired of being anxious the whole time." I told him. Aku tak tahu apa esok akan bawa. Tak ada jaminan untuk aku sempat menarik nafas lega. Yang aku ada cuma harapan dan doa supaya Tuhan sentiasa selesakan hidup aku tanpa sebarang masalah untuk satu tempoh yang panjang.

What's good, June?

1. "I think a lot of art is trying to make someone love you. Doing a little dance for one particular person." - Keaton Henson

2. If anything, jangan kawan dengan manusia yang mulakan ayat dia dengan, "Aku ni takdelah alim mana, tapi...." They're usually not very smart.

3. Jangan kawan dengan orang yang tak hisap rokok tapi dalam poket dia ada pemetik api.

4. Jangan kawan dengan orang yang terus gaul nasi lemak dengan sambal semua sekaligus. Ini perangai orang gasar yang tak patut ditolak-ansur.

5. Tengah cuba untuk fahami apa masalah hidup orang yang tergamak nak hantar smiley (-: instead of :-)

6. Jangan ambil serius orang yang selalu jumpa duit dalam poket seluarnya. Orang cenggini biasanya hidup tak teratur dan tak pandai urus duit.

7. Nam Bo-ra adalah definisi sebenar gila babi adorable.

8. Jangan kawan dengan orang yang cakap silence is an answer too. They're such a fucking asshole.

9. Jangan sesekali kawan dengan orang yang suruh jangan kawan dengan orang lain.

10. Yes, irony-impaired at its finest.

11. If anything, aku harap tak ada sesiapa perlu kahwin dengan manusia jenis menggelupur request doktor perempuan bila isteri nak bersalin.

12. A lot of things can be solved when you stop giving a fuck. You'll, surprise surprise, lead a better meaningful life. I mean, we all could be grinding on the fact that the terlajak laris guy is a bimbo; throwing and flaunting everything he has in our faces. But ask yourself this: do I really need to give a fuck about him? If the answer is yes, then you're just bitter af and you're the real bimbo here.

13. Aku rasa banyak restoran tak reti bezakan antara carbonara dengan alfredo. Man, get your shit together. Those two are definitely not the same.

14. I kinda get why people use bacon grease as seasoning. It's salty enough to be use as one. If you put a smoked bacon on burger, and it'll taste a bit salty which is for my liking. Imo, chicken/beef bacon don't quite do the trick.

15. Jangan sesekali percaya dengan citarasa manusia yang cakap Dunhill adalah rokok paling sedap dia pernah hisap.

16. My old man went to the gym this morning. If I had a million guesses, I never would have gotten that.

17. I like to think that my ability to mock something effortlessly as a defense mechanism to push people away. Even with strangers or friends, it's always been like that from the very beginning. I did it out of spite. You're damn right, something is very wrong with me. If I had a dollar for every time someone told/texted/called/DM-ed me you're an asshole, I'd be rich af. I'm forever grateful to the people who stayed. Regardless of my assholery.

18. Susah nak percaya dengan manusia yang bila dia buat dosa, dia tak buat dengan bersungguh-sungguh.

19. Get rich or die tryin'. That's the only way to go.

20. "....we were built for sexual speed as opposed to marital comfort, at least physically." Hmm okay, interesting.

21. I'm having a hard time deciphering this new shitty abbreviations like wyd, wym, tfw etc.

22. Norwegian Wood is my favorite, even after all these years. There, I said it. Wouldn't go so far as to call him the greatest writer ever, but his writing hits a little close to home. First chapter of NW had the biggest influence on me. Sampai sekarang aku masih guna template penceritaan bab satu NW sewaktu menulis. The way I see it, ia satu chapter yang bukan sahaja boleh dicabut daripada kerangka novel, tetapi boleh berdiri sendiri as a short story. Which is great, kot? Ia lebih bebas untuk ditafsir/hadam. Dan transisi dari satu bab ke satu bab yang lain tak jadi terlalu one-dimensional. Ayat terakhirnya sampai sekarang menghantui aku, "Because Naoko never loved me."

23. Haikal: Abang pernah pergi celapong tak?

Me: ................. 

Dik, I first heard this joke twenty years ago.

24. 싸펑피펑?? 싸펑피펑??

25. I don't get why people expect Psy to came out with another Gangnam Style-esque song. He produces a whole lot more than just Gangnam Style, I kid you not. And it kinda pisses me off when people dubbed him as an one-hit wonder. Will he ever reach the same, if not higher, level of popularity as before? Impossible, I'd say. But who the hell cares? Move the fuck on. Gangnam Style is so 2012.

26. Bak kata Sheldon, "... the foundation of gift-giving is reciprocity. You haven’t given me a gift, you’ve given me an obligation."

27. 'Perangai tak boleh bawa majlis' dah patut officially declared as perumpamaan baru.

28. Tak pasti kenapa selalu sangat kenal perempuan umur 19-20 tahun. 7 years my junior though. Kalau letak dalam keluarga aku, boleh jadi adik aku yang nombor lima. Now, that's some fucked up shit right there. In my defense, they don't look 19. But still, feels weird to me.

29. It's a weird ass catchy song with no chorus. And no hook. Didn't even modulate to go to the bridge section. And it just ends abruptly. And up until Seungri's part at the end, the song switches back and forth between rap and vocal twice, albeit heading nowhere. But the beat is on point. Swagirae at its finest. Still my favorite from their MADE album. Please have a listen. You'll not be disappointed. Big Bang - Bae Bae (link)

30. If I were to recommend my all time favorite movies to anyone, it would be Trainspotting and Mad Max: Fury Road.

31. And if you can sit through two hours of My Dinner with Andre, I'll voluntarily treat you to any kind of dinner you want.

32. You think I'mma uninstall security update for Windows just because my computer audio isn't working? Because that's exactly what I'mma do.

33. Being a Perakian, I think I possess weird range of saying things differently.

34. "It's not important what you do. But whatever you do, I want you to be happy."

35. Trainspotting 2 is so fucking good, man. So fucking good.

36. Tiap kali masuk drugstore, I'm like a lost puppy.

37. Banyak masalah dalam hidup boleh dilegakan dengan beromen. Aku harap tak ada siapa bantah kenyataan ini.

38. Only few of my high school/college/real life friends are here on Twitter. I honestly don't have a clue as to what they've been up to lately. Deactivated my only source of trivial information about other people's lives, FB and IG account for good. The rest of you are group of people whom I've never even met, or maybe once or twice in real life. And that's pretty much it. That's okay, that's alright. I'm not for any kind of emotional attachment. Perhaps our paths were destined to cross just for a little while. We interacted a bit, and what the hell... life goes on. Bak kata Seungri, geurae neomu meolli wabeoryeosseo nan.

39. Long hair don't really suit me. Been keeping it for 6 month already, I guess I just want to see how long can I endure.

40. Comfort kills.